I debated whether to write this post or not…seriously for a really, really long time. It’s definitely not something I want to scream from any roof top and to be down right, flat out honest, it hasn’t even been easy to discuss this with my closest friends or family members, let alone possibly millions of people across the Internet. But ultimately I decided it would be a good thing for me to finally get it out there with the one hope that confessing this may be some sort of support, inspiration, shoulder-to-cry on or possibly a light at the end of a dark tunnel for anyone else who might be dealing with the same issue. So here goes.
If you follow this blog you know that I am obsessed with our dog Quinley, (aka Pupp-awg). I mean, I’m sure there are even some of you who think I’ve gone over-board with the amount of images I’ve posted of her on Facebook or the number of times I’ve mentioned her on Twitter and even the posts I’ve written about her here or on my photography site. Okay…maybe I do sometimes have a one track mind when it comes to the Pupp-Awg Extraordinaire, but she’s our baby and since having children of our own is not in the cards for The Hubby and I…she really is the only child we have.
There…I said it, it’s out…The Hubby and I are not going to have children, no non-furry ones that is. Now, I bet your very first thought was, “Oh, that’s too bad…I wonder what’s wrong with her?” And don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the first. Most people automatically assume infertility is caused by the woman. Heck…I’ve been guilty of thinking that way myself of other couples I know who can’t have children. And now because I’ve written these last couple of sentences, you might be thinking it must be her husband then because why would she write that. Well the truth is, I’m not going to reveal which of us has the burden of knowing we are the reason we cannot bring a child into this world together, that is too much for one person to carry by themselves. No, our marriage is a team effort and so is this. We vowed to stand together as one and we most certainly have, “through good times and bad, for better or for worse”. And our marriage is definitely “richer” because of it.
But don’t worry, there’s no need to feel sorry for us. We made our peace with this a few years ago when we found out it wasn’t possible. Which is why we got our little Miss Q. That is not to say I still don’t feel a little twinge of jealously when any of our friends or family members announce they are going to be new parents. But at this point, after so many announcements, I know it’s a completely normal feeling. And we really are okay with it.
I could go on and on and bore you with the details of why we have chosen not to adopt or go further with the artificial reproductive process, but I won’t. It is what it is. Besides, if I were to write anything about the adoption process and most especially, the outlandish costs involved with the trying to have a baby with help from a reproductive team, this post would be one long exclamation against those who “have” as opposed to those who do not. Have you ever noticed how it’s so easy for rich or famous people to adopt or suddenly have twins or triplets through artificial insemination? Yeah…you know what I’m saying. Point made.
Anyhow, my ultimate hope with this difficult confession is to help at least one other couple out there know they are not alone. And if I do, then all the digging I’ve done this week in writing this, all the soul searching and all the worry that I might drive some readers away…all of that will be worth while if I can be support to anyone else going through this. Not having children is nothing to be ashamed of. Like I said, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. That does not mean we are sad or lacking in any sense. Our life is full and we are more than happy with the way things are. My only wish now would be for other people to be okay with it for us. Honestly everyone…we love each other deeply and that is truly enough.
All images courtesy of John Partridge Photography