One Year Later…Regret is a Hard Lesson Learned

I mentioned in this past Sunday’s post that this week is a sad anniversary of sorts for me.  I know, it sucks…but it’s part of life.  And although this blog is dedicated to uplifting imagery and positive inspiration, there are going to be rare moments like today where I will delve into something deeper and possibly a bit difficult.  And in this case it is in the form of a letter to someone who is now gone.

Dear Richard,

I can’t believe it’s been a year already.  I mean…I can still vividly feel the chocked up, heart-in-my-throat sensation as mom described what had happened.  I never want to feel that way again.  And yet, I know it’s inevitable.  Right now it just seems as if it has been a really, really long time since I last saw you and technically I guess it has.  Yet, at the same time it feels as if we were just together, having dinner or drinks at the house, laughing about the same silly stuff while Suzi and I rolled our eyes about certain things and you just happy to have your family around.

Your passing was not easy for me…not that death is easy for anyone, but given you weren’t my real dad you’d think it wouldn’t have affected me the way it did.  Even now it’s hard as I write this post with tears flowing freely once again.  Does the loss of a someone so prominent in one’s life get any easier with the passing of time?  I’m guessing not completely, but I’m hoping the sad thoughts that seem to visit each time you pop into my mind will soon give way to happy memories.  I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad about this…but I still feel incredibly heartbroken about how things were left and that I didn’t get to say goodbye.  Of course I voiced a lot of those feelings in a post on my photography blog last year just after you died, but time hasn’t completely healed all of that and here I am writing again.

So as the year anniversary of your departure approaches, I just wanted to write a few words once more to express these feeling to you…wherever you may be.  I think of you often and although I am very happy in my life and with my career, I wish you were here to see it for yourself.  I know you would be proud of all the amazing things I’m doing and most especially that I’m following my dreams like you felt you couldn’t.  And of course…I really wish you could have met Quinley.  You’d get a kick out of her as much as we do I’m sure.  

Now…as we head into this holiday season, a time with so many fond memories, I can only hope to convey to anyone reading this to remember to tell each important person to them what they truly mean.  We all get so wrapped up in our day to day busy stuff, which sometimes really means nothing comparatively.  But you never know…you JUST never really know if any moment might be the last you’ll have together.  And regret is a feeling I do not wish on anyone.

I love and miss you. 

your daughter,

Stephanie

In conclusion, for my friends and followers…death is a fact of life, we all know that.  Yet it is the value of the many moments in between which defines our love.  So if there’s any message I can relate to you through all of this it is…take hold of those moments and do your very best to create the most meaningful, everything-out-on-the-table-nothing-to-regret definitions of love.  You’ll be happier in life and after and you’ll never have anything to regret.